


goodbye.

by uritaeyeon



Series: #soulscapedecember2017 [4]
Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: It's depressing, M/M, mention of suicide, soulscapeday15, soulscapeday16, soulscapeday17, soulscapeday18, soulscapeday19, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uritaeyeon/pseuds/uritaeyeon
Summary: december 19, 11:11 pm,'i'm sorry i couldn't make it into your birthday. i have to go.'





	goodbye.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: kuroko no basuke © fujimaski tadatoshi.
> 
> nijiaka. alternate universe - canon divergence. adult!nijiaka. they are in their late twenties.
> 
> a/n: written for soulscape. i just copypasted it from my line and tumblr account. this fic is unbetaed.
> 
> i reminded of jonghyun and i'm still sad. so i'm sorry if this story is depressing.

 

 

  


  


 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

 

  


 

* * *

it's 11:11 now.

if it was one year ago, we were lying on the balcony on top of our chair while facing the sky.

it was winter, but we chose to stay there.

you said, 'i want to become a star.'

'why?'

'i don't know. it's just beautiful.'

i didn't know that it would be our last conversation.

i should have known, i should have noticed it when i, myself, already feel that something is wrong when i looked to your face.

you said that you were smiling.

but in my eyes, you were crying, you were sad. but instead, you said, 'you said that you want to take a photo of me. but when i'm ready and smiling, you said that i didn't look happy. what do you want me to do?'

it was a fool of me. i chose to shrug it off and began to take your photo.

you said that it was actually my trip. you said that you wanted to make me happy so you decided to fly from la to japan just because you wanted to meet me.

you arranged everything and for the whole trip, you reminded me to always smile. you knew that i wasn't happy. you knew because i told you everything. you knew that i was tired of this world. nothing made me happy anymore. i couldn't even smile properly.

but you were there. saying that you always love me, it was more than enough. saying that 'i'm happy, no need to worry me', the foolish me believed that you were happy.

i told you my worry. i told you all of my concern. and you chose to listen to me. i was feeling grateful since i had someone i could rely on. i wanted to keep living. i wanted to try to be happy. i wanted to show you that i could be happy someday.

however, you left me first.

you never told me about this.

i knew you were sad and miserable because of your dad's death. but i didn't know that it was that bad. i didn't know that your last trip was you wanted to say a farewell to me. you were so kind that before you took your life, you made people you loved feel happy. since i said i wanted to have a vacation just with you, you made this whole trip, right?

i felt happy. i felt happy those days. it was days when i wasn't even thinking about my life, it was just i wanted to be happy. with you, by my side. you ruffled my hair, talked to me like i was one of your siblings, treated me like your junior ....

never knew that i couldn't see you did that again.

you were my savior. but maybe you weren't as strong as you wanted to be. you weren't as strong as i thought.

you didn't afraid to die, you just afraid to keep living. i should have reached you, i should have listened to you. i should have by your side. i should have there.

you were special. you were so special that when i knew you were rushed to the hospital after our trip, i shocked. when i knew that you couldn't make it, i fainted.

december 19, 11:11 pm,

'i'm sorry i couldn't make it into your birthday. i have to go.'

'it's okay, nijimura-san. your work can't wait. i'm fine. i'm still feeling happy that you choose to spend your time with me.'

december 20, 10:00 am,

'akashi-kun? it is tatsuya. can you go to toudai hospital? shuuzou is here. shuuzou was here.'

you left me on my birthday.

i couldn't believe it since it was too unreal. you just met me the day before and yet the day after i received the news that you cut yourself.

i didn't know you were in pain.

i was in pain too.

but i couldn't do anything except saying goodbye.

'today is cold. please dress warmly on your way to the heaven, nijimura-san.'

december 20 was always cold. and that day felt colder.

for the entire year, i start to believe in myself. i start to become strong so that you aren't sad.

but i can't. if my savior wasn't strong enough, how can i?

december 20, 11:11 pm, while facing the sky full of stars, i choose to meet you.

•••

(c)k.l

 


End file.
